by Kristina Diener, Psy.D.

As is typical in practically every divorce, your children are usually the last know. Even when a marriage is fraught with discord, children generally hold onto the wish that their parents will somehow manage to stay together, or, like The Parent Trap, they can engineer a modicum of a truce. But in the real world, acrimonious marriages generally end in equally contentious divorces. When that happens, a constellation of emotions surface, feelings of abandonment rage, psychological dysregulation, and immense anger are but a few of the overwhelming feelings children experience. Divorce is never easy. Even in the most civilized of circumstances, almost everybody is put through the wringer, with children suffering the most. But what happens when you are the cause of their pain? Even in the final stages of a divorce, many parents still don't want to own it. They know that they must do something about their child's anguish, but they're just too busy fighting the custody battles, property settlements, and a host of other issues that need to be resolved. Such parents are sometimes accused of putting their needs before that of their children. The kids think their parents are selfish for not listening. Who really loses?

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